My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
