i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
