No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
