He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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