So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
