Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
