I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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