I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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