how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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