Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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