Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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