I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
