I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
