Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
