just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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