I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize