Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just forgot I was standing up.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
