Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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