Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
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but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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