is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
