I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
