are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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