Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
