remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
