I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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