They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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