paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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