You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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