Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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