lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
