Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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