I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
