My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
