My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
