covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize