Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
