is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
