My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
