I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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