pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Randomize
