***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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