I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
