i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
