Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
