Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
