True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
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All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
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I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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