Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
