We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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