soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
