No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
