i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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