Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
