Will you blow on my dice?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
