First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
