amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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