The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
