I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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