I got her a Nickelback box set.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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