i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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