no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
