take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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