Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
