Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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