It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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