I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I will be naked everywhere
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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