I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i believe in u and ur pee
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
