so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
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Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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