how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
