chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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