I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
