U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
