No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
