that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
