omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
