end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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