I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize