That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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