Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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