so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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