You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
