There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
