Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
