Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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