She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
