Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
